my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
