Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
