Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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