At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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