dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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