Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
