i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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