his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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