that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Panties = found
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