I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
