I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
