between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
