Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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