My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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