you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
