I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
