ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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