Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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