I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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