Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
