I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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