it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
