Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
