his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
