She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
