I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
