I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
