I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
3pm strippers are depressing
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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