Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
