i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
