Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My ass is underappreciated
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize