I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
