The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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