So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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