Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
