i need an iv and a liver transplant
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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