When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
