well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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