I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
