Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
barbara walters just said penis...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
