Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
