Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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