hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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