Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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