so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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