you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
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So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Houston, we have a blender
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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