shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
