I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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