Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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