I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
