Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
