This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize