I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
