but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
