Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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