She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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