So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
