dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my being single is dangerous.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
