YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
