I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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