My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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