Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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