I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
