there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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