sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
