So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So much Jack, so little girl.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
