if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
