Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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