He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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