My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My vagina is officially offended.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
