I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
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I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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