i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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