Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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