I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
